1. Write Down the Reasons You’re Doubting God’s Love & Goodness
This is an exceedingly powerful step for several key reasons:
One, it gets down on paper - in black and white, as it were - the exact reasons you’re struggling with whether God is truly good.
Even if you don’t consider yourself much of a writer, there’s something about seeing things written down that provides a new level of clarity.
Btw, if writing truly isn’t your thing or if you’re more of a talker, you can start this process by recording an audio file of yourself thinking aloud. Then you can go back, listen to it, and write down your key thoughts on printed or digital paper.
Whatever your approach, don’t scoff at this exercise. Trust me - you’ll be surprised by what you discover.
Two, this exercise will likely reveal some thoughts or struggles that you didn’t know existed.
As humans, it’s not uncommon for us to assume that our thoughts make sense. Or that we’re aware of everything we’re thinking and feeling.
But that’s usually not the case. If it was, then we’d have no need for therapists or psychologists.
Humans are like onions; we have layers. And we can’t discover anything new or unknown about ourselves unless we begin to peel back the layers.
This is exactly what this exercise does. You’ll likely be surprised at what comes up as a result – and how helpful it will be.
Three, this exercise will result in a list of the exact items - such as doubts, misinformation, past experiences, etc. - that need to be countered or healed.
That list is an insanely powerful tool.
Our thoughts can get muddled in our head. But a written list? One that includes things you’d already realized along with things you hadn’t before? That’s true clarity.
Moving forward, this list is going to play a pivotal role in your transformation from where you’ve been to where you’re meant to be. (More on that in a minute.
But first, I want to equip you with 2 tips for this step:
Tip #1: If you want a special or inspirational space to do this step, or you want to make this step feel more fun by treating yourself, check out my spiral notebooks and hardback journals in the Relate Escape store.
Tip #2: If you’re not sure where to start or this step feels intimidating, take my quiz instead.
The quiz is short - only 5 questions. But it will identify the primary area that’s causing you to stumble when it comes to experiencing God’s love and goodness.
This will empower you with clarity and equip you with a resource to help you move forward.
2. Ask God to Reveal the Truth and Provide Healing
Here’s where the power of that list comes in.
I realize that your relationship with God may be tenuous - or even non-existent - right now. That’s okay.
Your list will provide you with the exact things that are acting like blockers to your understanding and relationship with the genuine God of the Bible.
Every women’s list will look slightly different. But the items will likely to fall into four main categories:
Misinformation that’s been presented to you as true or biblically accurate
A lack of understanding about who God really is (whether from misinformation, the absence of biblical truth, or a combination thereof)
Wounds (past or present) from family, friends, church, or religious organization
Pressure from others to conform to a certain set of beliefs about God
Friend, trust me when I say that God hasn’t been glad that you’ve been in this confusing, dark place. Where you’ve been trying to earn His love, and not feeling like enough, and wondering if He’s good and if He really loves you or cares about you at all.
Rather, the real God of the Bible - the One I’ve had a very deep, personal relationship with for over 20 years - wants to love you, give you truth, set you free, and heal the wounds you’ve been carrying for far too long.
And this list is your sword of clarity. It’s where you and the real God of the Bible can start waging war on what’s been in the way or holding you back.
Now, in the next step, we’re going to cover some practical things you can do (with help). But I want you to start conversing with God on the basis of going to war together against these things.
Even if you currently have a hard time talking to God. Even though you’re confused as to who He really is. Even though you may be angry with Him right now. (He can take it.) Even though you’re wondering if what I’m saying is really true. (Spoiler alert: it is!)
All I want you to do is ask God to provide you with truth and healing based on your list. That’s it! Nothing complicated.
I just want you to start a new dialog. So if you have been talking to God regularly but feel as if He’s been distant or inattentive, consider this a do-over. Start a new chat thread, as it were.
God never ignores us. But maybe He’s been waiting to have the conversation that needs to happen before all the other life-changing conversations. Maybe He’s wanted to avoid taking you further down a road that’s been paved with misinformation, pain, and definitely wasn’t safe, healthy, or serving you.
Now, if you don’t feel comfortable speaking to God out loud or are new to prayer, keep in mind that:
One, prayer is simply talking to God. If you’ve been told that prayer needs to follow a formula, happen at a certain time of time, or be intense, that’s not what the Bible says. You can talk to God as if He’s in the room with you. (I talk out loud to Him all of the time.) Eyes closed, eyes open. It doesn’t matter. Just talk to Him.
Two, if speaking to God feels too intimidating, feel free to write down your prayers.
If you want a special place for your prayers, grab a notebook or journal from the Relate Escape store.
This can be helpful, too, for record-keeping purposes. For example, if you have both your list and your prayers in a specific notebook, you can also write down when and how He answers. When the truth or healing moment came, how it happened, etc. Moving forward, it will help you to see God’s character and goodness - and love for you - more clearly.
3. Focus on Learning God’s True Biblical Character
Why is this step three? Because now you need truth to counter - or fill in the gaps of - what’s on your list.
Those four categories that we looked at in the last step? The ones that the items on your list likely fall into? All of those boil down to understanding who God really is:
Does He love you?
Is God good? Is He good all of the time?
What does He expect from you?
Do you need to earn His love and affection?
The more you learn about God’s genuine character, the more you’ll naturally transition off the path you’ve been on and onto the path of truth, clarity, freedom, and hope.
In the previous step, I encouraged you to ask God to provide truth and healing.
One, to start or re-set your conversation with Him.
And, two, because God can communicate with you - and love you and provide for you - in numerous ways that no one else can. Plus, He knows you because He created you!
For example, God has often spoken to me using books and movies - not just the Bible or biblical resources. Why? Because He can. And because I’m a creator. So He speaks to me in creative ways.
That being said, you also need a solid biblical foundation - which means genuine biblical resources. So here are a two that you can take advantage of through Relate Escape:
Every Tuesday, I send out a touching email as a reminder of God’s love for you. In doing so, I also touch on His true character.
This is a great way to learn more about God every week, and all you have to do is check your email!
Relate Escape Place is my membership community that includes 3 foundational mini courses (with more to come): Decode God’s Love, Demystify God’s Character, and Journey with Jesus.
These mini courses are designed to break through confusion and help you experience the truth of God’s character - including His goodness and love.
Each mini course builds on the last, guiding you step by step through key biblical truths that will bring lasting clarity and healing. (Especially when it comes to most, if not all, of the items on your list that we’ve been talking about.)
To help you actually live out what you’re learning, each course includes a downloadable workbook filled with thought-provoking exercises and hand-picked resources.
And the workbooks, in addition to the exercise from this episode, would be a very powerful combination!
